Daddy

It is amazing how that simple word affect my world!  Daddy! For the past decade whenever Mini me said that word it never affected me. I would start glowing and smile. Think of something memorable and then proceed to enlightened her with what her Daddy would say or do if he was around. And tell her how much her Daddy loves her. 

After the past couple months I realized just how much she loves and treasures her Daddy.   She talks about him constantly! Some times she talks about all the stuff that he brought her for her birthdays, etc.  He has never brought her anything for her birthday. Let alone just to be buying it.  He has only been around for one of her eleven birthdays. And even at that birthday party he attended but did not give her anything! SMH  On her eleventh birthday he lived 5 minutes away and we did not even hear from him. Every year I buy her birthday presents, gifts, Christmas presents etc.  But I always  told her something was from Daddy. He could not make it but he made sure you go this.  Now I am wondering if I should have never told her those little white lies.   The other day I accidentally slipped when she mentioned that her father brought her the portable DVD player. Without thinking, I laughed and said, "Yeah Right!"  I brought that for her since we travel all the time to give her something to occupy her time!  SLIP UP! 

About 10 minutes ago I heard that word DADDY and it was like time froze.  I did not know what to say or do!  So I just waited until mini me moved on to the next subject. SMH  It is sad but that is the way that it has to be!  Now days I choose not to say anything about her father. And it is better left that way.  I am trying to raise my daughter with pride, confidence, love and strength. And her father leaving her again has affected that. 

Back in 2006 when he disappeared with no notice, mini me started wetting the bed. I had to re-potty train her at 3 years of age. SMH Her father does not know what his presence and subsequent absences does to her. She loves that man. And if she had it her way she would have her mother and father together forever! And like I explained it to him. He can be a father without being with me. We are not a package deal. But he will not be a father unless he is with me...... and that is just sad! Yes I love him but if I had to chose between my child and a man!  The man would lose every time.  My child always comes first. 

I have to get myself together. So when I hear Daddy I don't freeze up! LMAO  That is almost as bad as people asking me how RBR is doing?  And I can't think of anything to say. I was always told if you don't have nothing nice to say...... don't say nothing at all!!!    So I normally just say we are no longer together. Everyone thinks that is funny and ask for how long this time!  And when I say...FOR GOOD!  No one believes me.  We have been together on and off for over 12 years. And I have finally threw in the towel for good! 

Now I have to raise a Daddy's girl alone!